Why Boundaries Are the Key to Protecting Your Energy

When discussing boundaries with my clients, I have found there is a lot of misinformation in the community about this topic.

There are seasons in life when everything feels full, and you feel overwhelmed and at your limit. 

Scenarios like being your children’s Uber driver for many sporting, dancing, or gymnastic commitments straight after a full day of work, week after week. Birthdays & social commitments, work functions, family expectations, friendships and relationship commitments.

Life can fill up quietly, and before long we find ourselves moving from one obligation to the next — often without pausing to ask, Do I actually have the capacity for this? And soon we’re feeling overwhelmed and overcommitted. 

For many people, saying “no” feels uncomfortable. It can feel selfish, awkward or like you’re letting someone down. 

So we say yes, as in that moment, as it is easier. However, we are often taught from early childhood to be agreeable and to keep pace, and that pleasing others makes us likable, loveable and a good person 

And slowly, we move further away from ourselves, and our connection to self and what is important to us, all the while we are emptying our resilience tank. 

Boundaries are not about distancing yourself from others. They are about staying connected to yourself, honouring your own needs, so you can show up fully present without feeling depleted or overwhelmed, with enough bandwidth to give and receive and engage in society in a healthy, meaningful way. 

When we continuously push our limits, it is this slow degradation of our reserves that brings us to the point of running on empty. During this process, unbeknownst to ourselves, our window of tolerance narrows. The narrowed window of tolerance can be noticeable through our felt emotions, thoughts, and behaviour; we can feel irritable, angry, yell, experience exhaustion, physically withdraw from society, freeze or want to run away in complete states of overwhelm, and/or feel frustration that feels disproportionate to the situation before us. Sometimes we feel physically unwell, anxious, overwhelmed, and overcome by negative thoughts about our lives due to the lack of bandwidth to deal with situations, and often we simply feel low in mood and exhausted. 

Boundaries are the structure that protects your energy, your time, your nervous system, and your well-being. They keep you within your window of tolerance — that steady space where you can be present, regulated, and emotionally available, cognitively present to cope well with life’s curve balls. 

Without boundaries, we often live in reaction mode. With boundaries, we live intentionally and are connected to ourselves and what we need to function well. 

When we don’t set boundaries, we often say yes to things we can’t afford, whether it’s our time, energy, or money. The lack of aligned agreements causes internal stress, emotional and or physical strain, and sometimes financial difficulty; with a quiet internal voice that says, “I shouldn’t have agreed to this.” 

If we were to look beneath the internal voice, there is an individual who is asking for autonomy, to choose without feeling like they are letting someone down, maybe they need space, maybe they need rest, whatever it is it’s their conscious choice to choose what is aligned with their capacity right now. 

So before you respond to an invitation or request, please take a beat, and ask yourself do I have the mental, emotional and or physical capacity for this right now? Self-awareness the art of noticing, is the first stage of shifting your boundaries.  

Boundaries are about trusting yourself, as you know best and being intentional in your agreements, be they yes or no.